FILING SYSTEM
Jonas was so sick of chocolate pudding. He had requested a filing cabinet and hanging folders on his first day in the home. It took it a full month to arrive. But, once it did, Jonas started filing. He filed the chocolate pudding under “S” for “shit” and the fried chicken under “C” for “cold”. It took about a week before Samira noticed the smell. He was bummed out that it was Samira. She was his favorite. He was looking for more of an argument about the filing cabinet, but with Samira or “Sam”, as he called her, he had to cop to.
Sam sniffed little bunny sniffs around the room. She tried to discern where the odor was coming from exactly. Jonas wasn’t about to play hot and cold with her. When the police are at your door, you don’t lead them to the loot. So, Sam sniffed around and finally landed in front of the filing cabinet. She pulled the drawer open.
“Oh!” she said, clutching a hand to her chest. “Jonas! Why? How? There has to be 3 weeks of pudding in this drawer, at least. Why would you do that? You know we’ll get you something else. You can have anything on the menu!”
Jonas didn’t answer her. He just looked out the window. After all, he was the guy who started “BDE” at Club Palace. “BDE” (short for “Big Dick Energy”) was the party of the year for several decades in town. It started with the gays, of course, but then it got so big, the women started coming. When the women came, the money doubled. It made Jonas the promoter of the year. The Susanne Bartsch of his little corner of the universe. Now he was reduced to filing his dislikes under “cold” and “shit”. Jonas found it fitting because turning 85 was “cold as shit”. “Ha!” He laughed out loud.
“This ain’t funny, Jonas,” Sam said from behind him, thinking he was laughing at the cabinet full of pudding. “We’re going to have to throw this whole thing out. And weren’t you waiting for like a month for this thing to come? We thought you were going to start a business out of your room. Maybe an Etsy page or something…”
“What would I sell? Handkerchiefs full of drool? Excess diapers? Broken dreams?” Jonas clapped back.
“Okay, well, I see you’re in a mood today,” Sam said, shaking her head. “You know they’re looking for someone to organize the Halloween night activities. Didn’t you used to do parties like that? It might do you good. Also, if you volunteer, you get to weigh in on the menu items in exchange. That might be a healthier way for you to get chocolate pudding off the menu without creating a biohazard for us all to deal with.”
“I can change up the menu?”
“You can weigh in.”
“Can I fire the chef?”
“I think it’s more like they’ll take your suggestions.”
“Do you think they can source foie gras?”
“Ah, no! They nail the duck's feet to a board and overfeed it to make foie gras. Why would you eat that?”
“Someone or something always has to suffer for luxury.”
“So, I’ll have Anita sign you up then? What are you going to theme your party?”
“Night of the Walking Dead, of course. Most of us are halfway there already.”
“Oh, a zombie theme! I think that would be just perfect. Would it be alright if Louis came by? That boy loves a zombie movie. I think it’ll make his night. Plus, he doesn’t have many friends. So, I never know who to send him off with.”
“Your son is probably gay, Sam.”
“What do you mean? He’s six.”
“Doesn’t matter. But, yes, bring him by. It will be the biggest fete “The Oaks” has ever seen.” Now Jonas was determined to pull it off. It wasn’t just that he needed something to do, he also needed an audience. Sam and Louis would do. He could taste the filet mignon seared just perfectly. He’d request that and a bottle of Dom. He thought Miranda in 105 should play “Queen of the Undead”. She had the temperament for it. Jonas let his thoughts wax and wane between a fancy steak dinner and the undead party scene unfolding in his mind. He enjoyed the daydream, while he looked out the window and watched the laundry service drop off the linens for the day.